Starlight, Starbright
by aangelhart
Summary: A snipet before John goes through the rabbit hole in UR


Star light, Star bright. By Angel  
  
Spoilers: None really. Just a snippet before John goes through the rabbit Hole in UR.  
  
Summary: None, too short.  
  
Disclaimers: Usual  
  
Rating: PG  
  
XXX  
  
"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. Wish I may, wish I might."  
  
"What are you doing?" She asks softly at your shoulder.  
  
"Wishing." You say.  
  
"Ah, wishing. Such a waste of energy, nothing ever comes by it."  
  
You nod. She is right of course. You should know, so should she. You've wished upon a thousand stars and your heart is still breaking.  
  
You feel her move closer. Edge her way around the consol to look you in the eyes. You look past her, don't need to see what her eyes are telling you. She thinks your crazy. You know that already.  
  
"Tell me about wormholes." She states. You're pretty sure she's interested, but for who, your not sure.  
  
You bite anyway. Been a while since anyone wanted to talk to you about them. Anyone you *liked* at least. "I sense them. Don't ask my how, I just do. I know when they're near, when they're this close." You hold up two fingers to emphasise it.  
  
"And how does that make you feel?" She prods.  
  
That stumps you. You've never really thought about it. You take your time, thinking it through.  
  
"It makes me feel, it makes me feel vulnerable. I don't like that feeling." And it's a whisper, you don't like having these thoughts, much less vocalising them.  
  
"I can understand that." She states matter of factly.  
  
You look at her then. Look in her eyes, check to see if she is mocking you. She isn't. She knows that feeling too. You sigh; you don't want to talk about this with her. You want to be on your own. You want to think out your next move, your new goal.  
  
She's persistent, you give her that much. And she continues in a hushed tone, "They hold new life. Different lives in different times. Why would they not be interesting?"  
  
It's a rhetorical question, but you answer anyway. "Yeah, but it isn't enough. I can't deal with the life I have now. Choosing a new one will only bring a different kind of pain." And you realise you gave away too much in that statement.  
  
She jumps on it. "Different kind of pain? Or a fresh kind of pain?"  
  
Checkmate.  
  
"Same difference" You answer, trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
She doesn't buy it. Why would she when you don't either?  
  
"No, very different."  
  
You don't answer. It doesn't need one. You just look past her, stare out at the fast number of stars and wonder which one you were on before she came by.  
  
"If wishes came true, do you know what I would wish for?" She asks  
  
"No." And you hope that's enough to stop her from telling you. It's not.  
  
"I would wish for none of this to have happened."  
  
Your eyes go back to her and you raise an eyebrow. You don't want her to continue, but its like a car crash, you don't *want* to look, but you have to. You don't want to listen, but you *need* too.  
  
She takes it and rolls with it. "She loves John Crichton."  
  
You don't know where this is going, but you reply anyway. "And I love Aeryn Sun"  
  
"You just don't like her at this point in time though right?"  
  
You smile slightly. Your mother said that to you once. //"John Robert Crichton, I love you, but I don't like you at this point in time."// Hurt like hell at the time. Hurts more knowing what you know now.  
  
You chew on your thumb. "No. I don't like what I see."  
  
"Same difference."  
  
And you laugh softly. She's good. Very good, and merciless, "So the question is, where do you go from here?" "I go where ever it will take me." Ambiguous you know, but its all you have by way of an answer.  
  
"You could forgive her."  
  
"I could."  
  
"You could talk to her."  
  
"I will"  
  
"You can make it different,"  
  
"I know."  
  
You look at each other for a while. Both smiling. Both knowing what this is really about.  
  
"And if the baby isn't yours? Will you still love Aeryn Sun?" She asks.  
  
"Beyond hope." You reply too easily. You've had plenty of time to think about that one.  
  
"Then its up to you." She pauses, waves a hand at the stars, "Wishing on them wont help. You know what you have to do. Its just a case of timing."  
  
"Like wormholes."  
  
"Very much so."  
  
You look away. Verbalising your thoughts doesn't ease the pain. Just sets you on that same, rickety path that you were always on. The Yellow Brick Road of the UT's. Come to the fork in the road and your left standing there. Wondering. Debating.  
  
Go to the left and you can forgive.  
  
Go to the right and you can hate.  
  
Stay on the straight and narrow and you will love her no matter what. Left, right or dead ahead. Doesn't matter. Any which way your frelled.  
  
She speaks with a voice filled with tears, "I've loved. I've lost. I'd give up everything to have the chance to forgive." And you know the tears aren't far away for both of you.  
  
You move closer, take her in your arms and hug her tight. So child like, yet so old.  
  
"Who gave you permission to grow up?" You tease.  
  
"Permission? When did I ever wait for that?" She counters, And you both laugh.  
  
"I love you Pip."  
  
"And I adore you old man." She tilts her head, "I just don't want you to frell this up because you're too pig-headed to see what's right in front of you."  
  
"I know. But, she, takes, time." And you're so sick of that saying. It's been going round in your head ever since she came back the first time.  
  
She laughs, "Yeah well, if it aint worth waiting for, it aint worth having. That's my motto."  
  
You smile and bury her hair in your face, muffling your voice, "Once bitten, twice shy. That's my motto."  
  
"Yeah well, that can be adapted. Lets see. Once bitten, twice shy, third time lucky?"  
  
You snort and hug her tighter. She is so wise, yet not. She's loved, she's lost, but it's not the same.  
  
"No, it's not the same." She says, just after you think it.  
  
And you wonder how the hell she knew what you were thinking. You pull her back to look at her. Look in those grey eyes that match her skin so well. You don't ask, better that you don't know. "Thanks." It's not enough, never enough.  
  
But, it seems to be for her though, "Your welcome."  
  
End  
  
Thanks for taking the time to read ( 


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